Terry Kelly and Hugh Henry Campaign against themselves ?

Terry (TKMax) Kelly and Hugh (Shuggie the Hammer) Henry are on the front page of the Paisley Daily Express today campaigning against the building of a new prison in Paisley.

This is a bit surprising since

1. Labour are in power at every level in this country so it is their proposal
2. Hugh (Shuggie etc) Henry is the justice minister and in charge of policing
3. Renfrewshire Labour councillors sit on the Strathclyde police board so they are responsible for the proposal
4. The Labour majority council can deny the planning application if they wish, so clearly they don't
5. It is Labour policy on crime that has filled the jails with usually the wrong people
6. They don't say where the jail should be built if it is needed
7. If they had been tough on the causes of crime as they promised at election after election then the jail wouldn't be needed

The result of this policy failure is Labour out sucking up to voters by pretending that they are not responsible for their own decisions and policies.

In terms of sheer two faced hypocrisy and opportunism this one has got to take the biscuit.

I have to ask the question (again). How stupid do these numpties think the voters are. Labour should stop acting like low life con men and accept responsibility for their cock-ups.

Wendy (for it is she) the second trumpet in the Alexanders' rag time band is very quick to get her face in the papers when they think (not very often) that they have done something right, even if it is years too late. Still, it brightens up the paper when you see someone smiling but you just know that the smile is so insincere that they will never have laughter lines. That's why Wendy (for it is she) looks so young.

Johnstone Town Centre and the Labour Party

I want to send my sympathy to the people of Johnstone. Labour have decided to re-develope your town centre, according to a piece of election propoganda dropped through my door today. Seeing what they have done to Paisley there must be a dread running through all of Johnstone.

Hugh 'Shuggie the hammer' Henry, the man who single handedly solved Ferguslie's drug problem? has fixed it for you to have all of the skill and expertise which ran Paisley into the ground, and forced it to go back about 10 years and start again with its town centre.

I've had a brilliant idea about how Hugh could solve the drug problem in Johnstone as well. If we let him and the other trumpets in the Alexanders' rag time band run the illegal drug industry then it will be ruined and in crisis in about a fortnight.

Follow My Leaders

One of our local MSPs Wendy (the number 2 trumpet in the Alexanders' rag time band) has today announced that she has no plans to run for the Scottish Labour leadership after McDonnell's ?? election debacle. We can therefore look forward to her announcing her candidacy on May 4th./5th

In the other camp, has anyone seen the new poster for the Nats campaign. I only saw it quickly as I drove by, but is the smirking fish sitting on a white couch with the wee lassie on his knee. That's what it looked like --a ventroloquist and his dummy.

Crimestoppers and the Alexanders' Rag time Band

This is part of a 'Parliamentary Report' which is currently being pushed through letterboxes in Paisley by the supporters of the Alexanders' Rag Time Band, a local gang.

I believe I have identified the two ne'erdowells posing with jars of the finest Columbian as Shuggie and Duggie who have been pestering the people of Paisley as bogus callers pretending to be Socialists.

I called crimestoppers but they believe that one of them might be Hugh ' the Hammer' , the last person in Scotland to believe that you can solve the problem of drugs in a community by arresting addicts. The Hammer as we know, for it said so in his publicity, single-handedly ended the problem of drugs in Paisley before moving on to bigger challenges.

The other one always seems to show up at election times, talk a lot and then disappear. He is believed to fly south to team up with his spiritual father and gang leader the Bliar of Westminster.

These people are dangerous and must be stopped before they get even bigger weapons. Some have even suggested that they are trying to get new nuclear weapons and that would be a real distaster.